There's Always A Reason

When the bad is bad, its...Bad. And sometimes it seems like the good doesn't outweigh it. But it does. It has to. Reasons can be hard to come by. They can flow out like a geyser. But reasons have to be important. They have to matter. They have to ring true. Reasons can't be excuses. They can't be void of accountability. They have to ring true.

Taking a reason and applying it to an action or an inaction is probably one of the most difficult things we can do as human beings. Your best friend missed your Birthday lunch? Oh their family member was taken to the hospital. Good Reason. Missed the lunch because they forgot? Probably not so good.

Taking these reasons and processing them, weighing them, appreciating them, and then finally applying them can make or break anything. They can build or destroy. 

In this instance, the reasons are all good. Some apply more than others; But the main fact is, they work for the purpose of keeping me going. Of reminding me. Of blowing the clouds out of the way of the sun.

It's been 1 year, 3 months and 5 days since I tried to end it all. I will never forget the date, the feeling, the determination. I will never forget the surprised and panicked soul that told me that it was going to be alright and to not go this route. And I remember the sense of hysteria I had when I realized what I was about to do. And I remember the days after when I brought myself to the point of thinking about the reasons. Reasons why I shouldn't.

Make a list. Challenge yourself. I dare you. Look at the list and appreciate all the reasons. 

Look at the list and hold yourself accountable

Feel the list, and accept it as the truth